"They said it was the only car insured for Canada today," Bill Montoya said with a sigh. "If you want a Mercedes, honey, one's coming in tomorrow!" He looked incredulously at the Toyota Yaris.
"This is a go-cart!" June growled. "You know we've got to leave today, Bill. We'll miss the train if we wait till tomorrow."
"It'll get great gas mileage," Sonia said, now feeling a bit guilty for throwing a fit over flying. I should've let them sedate me.
"It's yed! I wuv yed!" said Justin. He grabbed the door handle with the same hand he was holding his stuffed T-Rex, which fell to the pavement. "Uh-oh!"
After Jill helped get the T-Rex and the matchbox cars that fell out of Justin's other hand as he fumbled for the T-Rex, they piled into the little red roadster. Jillian and Justin sat between the sisters in the back while Bill started out driving the first leg of one of the longest road trips he'd ever attempted.
"There was that trip from DC down to see Mother in Florida," he rambled on, taking the I-94 West ramp. "That was a doozy. My friend Clayton and I went through two bottles of vodka on the way down. We took turns driving."
"And drinking?" Jill asked.
Bill laughed. "Whoever was driving had to mix his vodka with Big Red. We were on a Big Red kick."
"Big Yed?" Justin blurted out.
"Big Red, Big Red, buddy. The driver had to have caffeine....but you don't need to know about caffeine yet."
"Neither does he have to know about drinking and driving!" June rebuked him.
"Ok, Ok, if the boy takes out the Go-cart on a drunken joyride, I take full responsibility."
"Who's Clayton? When the hell was that, anyway? The Nineteen-thirties?" June asked.
"The sixties. Actually we heard over the radio that Bobby Kennedy'd been shot around Macon, Georgia."
"That was June 5, 1968, you goof!" June barked.
Sonia had started to feel sleepy even though they were only a half-hour into the long slog. "I thought he was shot in California."
June laughed. "You're right, Sonia. Bill just needs to go back to grammar school. Watch out for that motorcycle, Bill!"
"I see him. I'm not even close!"
"But you weren't looking at 'im!"
Bill looked into the rear-view mirror where he could see that Justin was pulling on Jillian's hair, Sonia and Jill were looking sleepy. "Hey, one of you guys has to stay awake and count how many 'Watch out, Bill' s June shoots at me. Any takers?"
"What was that?" Sonia asked.
"That was Number Seven!" June said firmly. "I can count my own 'Watch out's."
There was a silence that lasted a few seconds...an odd silence since Bill and June almost never stopped talking. Bill broke it.
"Hey, look, Vancouver, two thousand three hundred and one miles - "
"Look out!" June erupted.
"Look out what?"
"The Tyson Chicken truck - you're tailgating him!"
"I'm like three car-lengths away from him..."
The two bickered on for a while as Jill and Sonia dozed off in the back seat. They were awakened a half-hour later by Jillian's screams as her brother was pulling her hair out.
"Justin! Justin! Come one!" Sonia scowled, grabbing both arms of the little anarchist by her left knee. To Jill fell the duty of consoling Jillian, who was crying in pain. She didn't say a word, gently rubbing the area where her hair had been pulled. Jillian calmed down immediately.
June looked over at Jill with a contented look. "Jill, you have a way with kids. I do believe you're a natural mother."
Jillian sobbed quietly on Jill's shoulder. The older sister stared at June. "I love kids, but only other people's".
"Oh, no, Jill," June started, " you would love to have your own. Why didn't you want kids with what's-his-face?"
"That's exactly it..I was tired of seeing his face and I didn't want to see little faces that reminded me of him."
"What's he done since you two divorced?"
"He married again. Wife's pregnant. She's ugly as sin."
"How 'bout someone else for you? What kind of Daddy material would you consider?"
"I don't know if I want Daddy material. Guys smell. They don't clean up after themselves. They even...they even... reuse dirty clothes. And most of them aren't useful around the house. What's Daddy material anyway? Semen?"
"Chicago!" Bill blurted out. "Chicago - 51 miles".
"Paul was Daddy material," Sonia affirmed.
"And that Chad, too!" June replied.
Before Sonia could answer, her sister asked, "But how am I going to find a Paul or a Chad at my age?"
Bill, unfortunately, had an answer for that question. Looking into the rear-view mirror, he said, "I read a survey once that explained that women should find their soul mate in their twenties. For a woman in her thirties, the number of decent men available can be like 75% less. All the good ones are taken, so they say."
There was a ghastly silence. None of the women knew what to say to Bill in reply.
Then June spoke up. "I was over 40 when I met Bill."
"See what I mean?" Bill said. It was then that he noticed the women and even the children were glaring at him.
"
